God’s grace has truly been evident in my life in such a multitude of ways, even at a very young age. Yet for the longest time I was unaware of how utterly dependent I’ve been on His grace, and the Lord faithfully continues to show me that as He grows me in His way.
Ever since I first learned of Jesus Christ, I can’t really remember a time when I outright rejected the existence of God, or thought that the gospel was unbelievable and foolish. I was raised in a Christian home, and starting from a young age, was preached the gospel both at Sunday School and at home by my parents. It seemed to make perfect sense to my six year old mind that Jesus loved me so much as to die for my sins, and that if I accepted Him into my heart and truly repented of my sins I would be saved. I remember praying that “sinner’s prayer” in Sunday School around that age, then going home and wondering at night how to be genuine about the prayer because my teacher said that it had to come from my heart. I desperately wanted to be saved and have Jesus come into my life, but I wasn’t sure if a prayer was enough. For the next couple nights in a row I’d pray that prayer again and again in hopes that maybe it was enough this time.
It wasn’t until around middle school that I learned more of what believing and repenting meant, and began to make Christ Lord over my life, though I was far from perfect. This knowledge and growth came all by God’s grace, because although I thought that I was saved at the time, I did not really conduct myself in a manner worthy of the gospel. Around the sixth grade, I began to live more of a double life. I started becoming rebellious towards my parents and towards authority as I tried to puff up my own pride in playing the popularity game, but not to the point where it would ruin my good kid image. After an incident in the 5th grade, I had stopped trusting others as much, and this problem only grew worse in middle school. I made many friends with minimal sacrifices involved on my part, because it was hard for me to trust people without being extra careful, although this was totally not reflected in what I said and did in front of them. Also during middle school, I tricked myself into thinking that because I was very adamant against drinking or smoking, I was a good Christian—and it did look like it many times on the outside, especially to teachers at school and to the adults at church—but I was not very serious about my sanctification at all. My youth group at church wasn’t very strong at the time either, and though I’d usually be the type of kid who answers all the questions and memorizes all the verses, my motivations were often wrong. I’d be a good Christian kid in this way to please my youth group counselors and try to appease my conscience, but once youth group was out I’d live a different life. Most of my school friends weren’t Christians, and none of my church friends went to my school, so accountability was very low for me. However, God, in His immeasurable love, never allowed me to stray far from Him.
My sanctification was a very gradual process, but God was ever faithful in growing me and preserving my faith, using His perfect ways to mold me into the image of Christ. Even in the worldly circumstances I was in, He was gracious to show me that absolutely nothing in the world can satisfy completely except Himself, that everything else is rubbish compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ. This was done by taking away certain things that I had been idolizing and prioritizing over Himself, as well as using various trials to open my eyes to the realities of eternity and how fleeting life on this earth is. The summer after sixth grade, both my grandmother and my aunt passed away after long battles with cancer. Eternity suddenly became so real to me. I was frustrated and angry at first, but I was floored when my mom told me through her tears that God is always good, and both of them were now in a much better place because they had a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. Her example was so encouraging to me, and God used this opportunity to grow in me the thirst for His Word. I began to realize that I was too inconsistent in living out the truths of Scripture. I knew all this truth and professed to believe in God, yet I didn’t always live as though the God of the Bible was really my God. I remember that my youth group counselor always asked us this one question: that if we were to die today and stand at the gates of heaven, and God asked us why He should let us in, what would we say? Well, I knew my answer that I would have ready if he called on me, but how much did I believe those words I’d say, and how did my life reflect that? The Lord continued to use His ways to draw me nearer, and it was around this time that I was truly saved and gave my life completely up to God. I was baptized in the summer after my freshman year of high school, and the Lord continued to be faithful in showering me with His grace, using various trials, circumstances, people, and His Word to remind me that my life has been purchased by the blood of Christ and that I should live accordingly.
Then, sometime in my junior year of high school, I learned of another way in which God’s grace was poured onto my life even from my youth, and the truth that my life is dependent on His grace took on new meaning. I vaguely remembered hearing about it before when I was younger, but my parents finally told me the details then about this condition that I had when I was very young. After I was born, I had a series of epileptic seizures, which of course made my parents very worried. They gradually got better but the doctor told my parents that they should give me this drug to prevent them from coming back, as they often did in other cases. The catch was that this drug was known to stunt both physical and mental growth, and after giving it to his own daughter who had the same condition, the doctor advised my parents to really think about it before going forward with any decision because of the risks involved. My mom told me that every night from then on before I went to bed, she would pray together with me for God to heal me, even though at the time I didn’t really understand what was going on. Many believers at my home church were also praying for me. After extensive prayer, my parents decided to put their faith entirely in God and to not use the drug, believing that God would heal me if it was His will. Having learned of this, and knowing that from the time I was seven years old until then I hadn’t experienced a single seizure, I realized how greatly God had blessed me and how much I owed even my physical life to Him. The high SAT and test scores and various saxophone awards that I had inwardly prided myself in achieving that year instantly changed from points of pride to blatant reminders of God’s grace. I also stopped wishing that I could break the six feet tall barrier that had eluded my grasp for so long, thanking the Lord that I was blessed already with a functioning body. God made me realize that I was absolutely nothing without His grace, and yet in His sovereignty He gave me eternal life and filled my life with blessings. How then could I boast in His presence? Praise the Lord for that great lesson in humility.
When I went to college, the Lord continued to be gracious in leading me first to UCLA and then to Grace on Campus. Although I thought it was a bit too hardcore at first, I knew from the start that I needed that dedication to God alone and to the truths of scripture which was shown by so many of the students who went there. It is probably in college that God has grown me the most in the knowledge of Him and His will. I still remember, for example, the Resolved Conference of my freshman year, when Steve Lawson preached on Matthew seven and what it meant to be saved. That was one point where I became resolved to live wholeheartedly for the Lord and fully submitted all of my life to Him. It was a life changing experience, and God had many more coming my way! Because of this faithfulness in sanctifying me that God has already made evident in my life, I can be confident that by His grace I will continue to be conformed to the image of His Son, for His glory.
Ever since I first learned of Jesus Christ, I can’t really remember a time when I outright rejected the existence of God, or thought that the gospel was unbelievable and foolish. I was raised in a Christian home, and starting from a young age, was preached the gospel both at Sunday School and at home by my parents. It seemed to make perfect sense to my six year old mind that Jesus loved me so much as to die for my sins, and that if I accepted Him into my heart and truly repented of my sins I would be saved. I remember praying that “sinner’s prayer” in Sunday School around that age, then going home and wondering at night how to be genuine about the prayer because my teacher said that it had to come from my heart. I desperately wanted to be saved and have Jesus come into my life, but I wasn’t sure if a prayer was enough. For the next couple nights in a row I’d pray that prayer again and again in hopes that maybe it was enough this time.
It wasn’t until around middle school that I learned more of what believing and repenting meant, and began to make Christ Lord over my life, though I was far from perfect. This knowledge and growth came all by God’s grace, because although I thought that I was saved at the time, I did not really conduct myself in a manner worthy of the gospel. Around the sixth grade, I began to live more of a double life. I started becoming rebellious towards my parents and towards authority as I tried to puff up my own pride in playing the popularity game, but not to the point where it would ruin my good kid image. After an incident in the 5th grade, I had stopped trusting others as much, and this problem only grew worse in middle school. I made many friends with minimal sacrifices involved on my part, because it was hard for me to trust people without being extra careful, although this was totally not reflected in what I said and did in front of them. Also during middle school, I tricked myself into thinking that because I was very adamant against drinking or smoking, I was a good Christian—and it did look like it many times on the outside, especially to teachers at school and to the adults at church—but I was not very serious about my sanctification at all. My youth group at church wasn’t very strong at the time either, and though I’d usually be the type of kid who answers all the questions and memorizes all the verses, my motivations were often wrong. I’d be a good Christian kid in this way to please my youth group counselors and try to appease my conscience, but once youth group was out I’d live a different life. Most of my school friends weren’t Christians, and none of my church friends went to my school, so accountability was very low for me. However, God, in His immeasurable love, never allowed me to stray far from Him.
My sanctification was a very gradual process, but God was ever faithful in growing me and preserving my faith, using His perfect ways to mold me into the image of Christ. Even in the worldly circumstances I was in, He was gracious to show me that absolutely nothing in the world can satisfy completely except Himself, that everything else is rubbish compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ. This was done by taking away certain things that I had been idolizing and prioritizing over Himself, as well as using various trials to open my eyes to the realities of eternity and how fleeting life on this earth is. The summer after sixth grade, both my grandmother and my aunt passed away after long battles with cancer. Eternity suddenly became so real to me. I was frustrated and angry at first, but I was floored when my mom told me through her tears that God is always good, and both of them were now in a much better place because they had a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. Her example was so encouraging to me, and God used this opportunity to grow in me the thirst for His Word. I began to realize that I was too inconsistent in living out the truths of Scripture. I knew all this truth and professed to believe in God, yet I didn’t always live as though the God of the Bible was really my God. I remember that my youth group counselor always asked us this one question: that if we were to die today and stand at the gates of heaven, and God asked us why He should let us in, what would we say? Well, I knew my answer that I would have ready if he called on me, but how much did I believe those words I’d say, and how did my life reflect that? The Lord continued to use His ways to draw me nearer, and it was around this time that I was truly saved and gave my life completely up to God. I was baptized in the summer after my freshman year of high school, and the Lord continued to be faithful in showering me with His grace, using various trials, circumstances, people, and His Word to remind me that my life has been purchased by the blood of Christ and that I should live accordingly.
Then, sometime in my junior year of high school, I learned of another way in which God’s grace was poured onto my life even from my youth, and the truth that my life is dependent on His grace took on new meaning. I vaguely remembered hearing about it before when I was younger, but my parents finally told me the details then about this condition that I had when I was very young. After I was born, I had a series of epileptic seizures, which of course made my parents very worried. They gradually got better but the doctor told my parents that they should give me this drug to prevent them from coming back, as they often did in other cases. The catch was that this drug was known to stunt both physical and mental growth, and after giving it to his own daughter who had the same condition, the doctor advised my parents to really think about it before going forward with any decision because of the risks involved. My mom told me that every night from then on before I went to bed, she would pray together with me for God to heal me, even though at the time I didn’t really understand what was going on. Many believers at my home church were also praying for me. After extensive prayer, my parents decided to put their faith entirely in God and to not use the drug, believing that God would heal me if it was His will. Having learned of this, and knowing that from the time I was seven years old until then I hadn’t experienced a single seizure, I realized how greatly God had blessed me and how much I owed even my physical life to Him. The high SAT and test scores and various saxophone awards that I had inwardly prided myself in achieving that year instantly changed from points of pride to blatant reminders of God’s grace. I also stopped wishing that I could break the six feet tall barrier that had eluded my grasp for so long, thanking the Lord that I was blessed already with a functioning body. God made me realize that I was absolutely nothing without His grace, and yet in His sovereignty He gave me eternal life and filled my life with blessings. How then could I boast in His presence? Praise the Lord for that great lesson in humility.
When I went to college, the Lord continued to be gracious in leading me first to UCLA and then to Grace on Campus. Although I thought it was a bit too hardcore at first, I knew from the start that I needed that dedication to God alone and to the truths of scripture which was shown by so many of the students who went there. It is probably in college that God has grown me the most in the knowledge of Him and His will. I still remember, for example, the Resolved Conference of my freshman year, when Steve Lawson preached on Matthew seven and what it meant to be saved. That was one point where I became resolved to live wholeheartedly for the Lord and fully submitted all of my life to Him. It was a life changing experience, and God had many more coming my way! Because of this faithfulness in sanctifying me that God has already made evident in my life, I can be confident that by His grace I will continue to be conformed to the image of His Son, for His glory.