Like many Christians, I was blessed to have been raised by solid Christian parents who brought me to church and taught me biblical values since a young age. I grew up going to Sunday school learning about all the Bible stories and most importantly, the gospel. Although I heard the gospel many times, I don’t think I really understood the gospel until my first year in college. You see, I understood what sin was; I understood I was a sinner and that only Jesus’ death on the cross could sufficiently pay the penalty I rightly deserved for my sins. But even then, I did not fully understand that to be a Christian required repentance. True repentance required more than just feeling guilty or remorseful after sinning or doing something wrong. It required something more - change. And not just external changes in the way I talked or the way I acted, but internal changes in how I thought. True transformation of attitudes in my heart and mind or internal change would naturally bring about change in my actions externally. It was clear that I was not living as one who had fully surrendered his old life to Christ and has taken up a new way of living in accordance with God’s commands.
In high school, I was very much living for myself and not for God. I was focused on pursing my own ambitions and pleasures without much focus on what pleased God. I was chasing after what the world defined as good, not what the Lord defined as good. I valued material wealth and social wealth, and by the world’s standards, I was fairly wealthy. I lived a very comfortable lifestyle and I collected many things ranging from video games to clothes and shoes. I was considered one of “cool” kids and I desired to maintain this popularity and reputation. But looking back, I was definitely not very cool in God’s eyes.
After a couple months in college, I was truly convicted of my sin – namely, my hypocrisy. I realized my actions and attitudes in my life were not consistent with the name “Christian” I had claimed. I finally understood that if I were to call myself a Christian I could not be of both the world AND of Christ. I had to choose one. I could no longer lead what was apparently a double life. Something had to change. I had to choose whose standard I was going to live by. I took to heart what Jesus says in Matthew 16:24, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.” If I were to call myself a Christian or a follower of Christ, I could no longer live for myself. As much as I desired and enjoyed the praises of men or the vast accumulation of material wealth, I had to give it up. I had to place Christ as most important, not shoes, not popularity.
Unfortunately, I cannot say I’m there yet. I have not yet finished the race. However, I am a sinner saved by grace and it is truly by God’s grace I can say I no longer desire to be entertained by the things of this world but rather to live a life according to Philippians 1:27 – only letting my manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ. My desire is simply to live for God and to serve Him, not myself. I want to know Him more so I can love Him more.
In high school, I was very much living for myself and not for God. I was focused on pursing my own ambitions and pleasures without much focus on what pleased God. I was chasing after what the world defined as good, not what the Lord defined as good. I valued material wealth and social wealth, and by the world’s standards, I was fairly wealthy. I lived a very comfortable lifestyle and I collected many things ranging from video games to clothes and shoes. I was considered one of “cool” kids and I desired to maintain this popularity and reputation. But looking back, I was definitely not very cool in God’s eyes.
After a couple months in college, I was truly convicted of my sin – namely, my hypocrisy. I realized my actions and attitudes in my life were not consistent with the name “Christian” I had claimed. I finally understood that if I were to call myself a Christian I could not be of both the world AND of Christ. I had to choose one. I could no longer lead what was apparently a double life. Something had to change. I had to choose whose standard I was going to live by. I took to heart what Jesus says in Matthew 16:24, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me.” If I were to call myself a Christian or a follower of Christ, I could no longer live for myself. As much as I desired and enjoyed the praises of men or the vast accumulation of material wealth, I had to give it up. I had to place Christ as most important, not shoes, not popularity.
Unfortunately, I cannot say I’m there yet. I have not yet finished the race. However, I am a sinner saved by grace and it is truly by God’s grace I can say I no longer desire to be entertained by the things of this world but rather to live a life according to Philippians 1:27 – only letting my manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ. My desire is simply to live for God and to serve Him, not myself. I want to know Him more so I can love Him more.