This is an account of my life, about how God through much pain and brokenness brought me to Him. I hope that through this story, you will be able to see why I must give everything to my God because of the amazing grace He has shown me.
I was born in 1992 in Nanjing, China, and grew up in a secular environment. I lived in China for one year until my dad accepted a graduate student position in California. At the age of one, my family and I moved to America. It was in here that my parents were first exposed to Christianity.
When we began life in America, I remember my parents’ mindset: make money in order to find happiness. My parents, like many Chinese people of their generation, had seen and suffered extreme poverty. Because of those hardships, they desired wealth above everything, and they saw talent and intellect as a method to achieve what they desired. This was the environment I grew up in. I remember as a child my parents drilling me in math and science in hopes that I would become a prodigy and find success in life. If I failed in reciting the multiplication tables, I would be harshly scolded and told that I would “never amount to anything.” If I was too afraid to speak in public, my parents, out of frustration, would yell at me and threaten to throw away my toys. Though I can now see that they did all of this hoping that it would cause me to be stronger and smarter, these experiences scarred me as a child. These experiences caused me to find all of my identity in my performance, and if I failed in any aspect I was especially hard on myself. I always thought that I could win the love of my parents by being smarter, more athletic, more talented. However, because I am not especially smart, especially athletic, nor especially talented, I constantly doubted my parents’ love for me.
As I was growing up, in the midst of these experiences, my family started attending a Chinese church. Initially, the church was just a place for my parents to meet Chinese friends and to get free daycare for me. It was here that I first heard about Jesus Christ, the perfect Son of God who came to earth and bore the penalty for our sins. I heard that I am a person who has broken God’s law, and because of my transgression, deserved death. I heard that though I was fully guilty and deserved every single punishment God could give me, Christ, because of His great love for me, came down to earth and took my punishment for me. I heard that if I put my trust in Christ’s power to take away my sins and repented, I could have the infinite and unceasing love of God. I heard all of this many many times, but I did not understand.
When I was around the age of 14, I continued to struggle with feelings of worthlessness. Due to these feelings, I did not have any comfort in my heart and turned to sin for temporary comfort. Though it was definitely not the first time I sinned, evidences of sin in my life were more apparent. At the zenith of my sin and hopelessness, I ran away from home many times and even thought about suicide. However, I turned to the church for comfort because God providentially gave me friends at my church’s youth group. It was only after experiencing the weight of all my sin that Christ’s sacrifice started to have meaning. Over the course of many months, I continually attended church and received the ears that I previously did not own. With my new ears, I finally heard and understood the gospel message: that Christ, despite seeing every single one of my sins, willingly chose to die on a cross so that I would not have to die. He chose to be forsaken by God, so that I could come into the presence of God. He chose to become cursed so that I could be loved. He died for me, and rose again so I could see that even earthly death cannot separate me from the love of God. It is because of Christ’s death and resurrection that I know I have eternal life and eternal love from God. I deserve none of this, and yet it has been given to me as a precious gift.
I do not know where you currently are in life, or if you’ve even gone through the same experiences as me. But I do know that this eternal life is offered to everybody. Christ not only died for me, but He died for you as well. Praise be to Christ, that He has died so that we can live! If you desire this life, you must put your trust in Christ’s power, and repent from your sins. Through Christ we have life! That is why I will give everything for my Christ, because He has given everything for me.
-Michael Teng
I was born in 1992 in Nanjing, China, and grew up in a secular environment. I lived in China for one year until my dad accepted a graduate student position in California. At the age of one, my family and I moved to America. It was in here that my parents were first exposed to Christianity.
When we began life in America, I remember my parents’ mindset: make money in order to find happiness. My parents, like many Chinese people of their generation, had seen and suffered extreme poverty. Because of those hardships, they desired wealth above everything, and they saw talent and intellect as a method to achieve what they desired. This was the environment I grew up in. I remember as a child my parents drilling me in math and science in hopes that I would become a prodigy and find success in life. If I failed in reciting the multiplication tables, I would be harshly scolded and told that I would “never amount to anything.” If I was too afraid to speak in public, my parents, out of frustration, would yell at me and threaten to throw away my toys. Though I can now see that they did all of this hoping that it would cause me to be stronger and smarter, these experiences scarred me as a child. These experiences caused me to find all of my identity in my performance, and if I failed in any aspect I was especially hard on myself. I always thought that I could win the love of my parents by being smarter, more athletic, more talented. However, because I am not especially smart, especially athletic, nor especially talented, I constantly doubted my parents’ love for me.
As I was growing up, in the midst of these experiences, my family started attending a Chinese church. Initially, the church was just a place for my parents to meet Chinese friends and to get free daycare for me. It was here that I first heard about Jesus Christ, the perfect Son of God who came to earth and bore the penalty for our sins. I heard that I am a person who has broken God’s law, and because of my transgression, deserved death. I heard that though I was fully guilty and deserved every single punishment God could give me, Christ, because of His great love for me, came down to earth and took my punishment for me. I heard that if I put my trust in Christ’s power to take away my sins and repented, I could have the infinite and unceasing love of God. I heard all of this many many times, but I did not understand.
When I was around the age of 14, I continued to struggle with feelings of worthlessness. Due to these feelings, I did not have any comfort in my heart and turned to sin for temporary comfort. Though it was definitely not the first time I sinned, evidences of sin in my life were more apparent. At the zenith of my sin and hopelessness, I ran away from home many times and even thought about suicide. However, I turned to the church for comfort because God providentially gave me friends at my church’s youth group. It was only after experiencing the weight of all my sin that Christ’s sacrifice started to have meaning. Over the course of many months, I continually attended church and received the ears that I previously did not own. With my new ears, I finally heard and understood the gospel message: that Christ, despite seeing every single one of my sins, willingly chose to die on a cross so that I would not have to die. He chose to be forsaken by God, so that I could come into the presence of God. He chose to become cursed so that I could be loved. He died for me, and rose again so I could see that even earthly death cannot separate me from the love of God. It is because of Christ’s death and resurrection that I know I have eternal life and eternal love from God. I deserve none of this, and yet it has been given to me as a precious gift.
I do not know where you currently are in life, or if you’ve even gone through the same experiences as me. But I do know that this eternal life is offered to everybody. Christ not only died for me, but He died for you as well. Praise be to Christ, that He has died so that we can live! If you desire this life, you must put your trust in Christ’s power, and repent from your sins. Through Christ we have life! That is why I will give everything for my Christ, because He has given everything for me.
-Michael Teng