I grew up going to church, and I think that I exemplified what it means to know a lot about the Bible while never developing a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. While I was growing up in church, I was always excited to learn more about the stories in the Bible. Stories that involved Joshua’s conquest of the Promised Land, or Sampson’s strength, or David’s heroics always interested me. However, these stories only served to stoke my boyhood imagination and I never managed to see past the events detailed in the stories in order to observe God’s sovereignty and faithfulness.
I continued going to church and I remember my Sunday school teachers telling us about Heaven, Hell, and Jesus Christ. As I was learning about these things, I never doubted the validity of anything that they taught. As I began to learn more and more, I realized that Hell was not a place that I wanted to go and that I desperately wanted to go to heaven. So one day I remember my Sunday school teacher telling us that if we wanted to go to heaven, all we needed to do was repeat the prayer that he was about to say and ask Jesus into our hearts. I repeated that prayer that day, but yet in my heart I had no assurance of my salvation.
This doubt existed in my heart for the next few years as I continued going to church. I remember each week after the sermon; the pastor would give an altar call inviting all those who wanted to know Jesus to raise their hand. The pastor would then pray for those who raised their hands and he would invite us to go up to him after the service to talk to him about what it means to be saved. I remembered raising my hand during one service, but I was disappointed yet again by my lack of assurance concerning my salvation. I remember hearing the same altar call week after week and in my mind I always struggled with whether or not I should raise my hand again. I always thought to myself “What if it didn’t work the first time?” and doubt concerning my salvation filled my mind whenever I heard an invitation to dedicate my life to Christ.
Fortunately in God’s sovereignty I began to go to a different church starting in 7th grade. This church was a predominantly Chinese church, but they had just gotten a pastor for the English-speaking congregation. I remember that the pastor always used to tried to teach us more about theology by writing about a theological issue on the back of the bulletin that we would receive every Sunday morning. There was one week where our pastor wrote about the differences between the Calvinist and Arminian views on salvation. Something that stuck out to me from the bulletin involved how our pastor wrote about God’s faithfulness in saving His people. He described how Christ was faithful in keeping us once we decided to place our faith in Him and how He would never allow us to fall away from the faith. After reading this, I was amazed by what I had learned. At this point I realized why I never had assurance in my salvation. I realized that I was always placing my faith in things other than Christ in order to save me. I was placing my faith in the words that I said or in the prayers of other men in order to save me. In all of this, I had never actually placed my faith and trust in Jesus Christ Himself.
I believe that it was around this time in my life when I was truly saved. However, I remained immature in my faith until college. College was another turning point in my life. I had some trouble deciding what college I wanted to go to, but my brother gave me some advice that I would never forget. My brother reminded me that college wasn’t only a time where I would learn about my major, or about my future career, or hang out with friends, but he told me that college was a very unique time in my life where I could grow and mature spiritually. He told me about Grace Community Church and Grace on Campus at UCLA and he said that they would provide a solid place for me to grow and mature as a Christian.
Ever since coming to UCLA, I have grown in many aspects in my Christian walk. I have learned more about what it means to be conformed in Christ’s likeness and to live in a manner that is pleasing to God. Even though I have learned a lot, I know that I still have a long ways to go in my sanctification and I am seeking to continue to grow in all aspects to be more like Christ.
I continued going to church and I remember my Sunday school teachers telling us about Heaven, Hell, and Jesus Christ. As I was learning about these things, I never doubted the validity of anything that they taught. As I began to learn more and more, I realized that Hell was not a place that I wanted to go and that I desperately wanted to go to heaven. So one day I remember my Sunday school teacher telling us that if we wanted to go to heaven, all we needed to do was repeat the prayer that he was about to say and ask Jesus into our hearts. I repeated that prayer that day, but yet in my heart I had no assurance of my salvation.
This doubt existed in my heart for the next few years as I continued going to church. I remember each week after the sermon; the pastor would give an altar call inviting all those who wanted to know Jesus to raise their hand. The pastor would then pray for those who raised their hands and he would invite us to go up to him after the service to talk to him about what it means to be saved. I remembered raising my hand during one service, but I was disappointed yet again by my lack of assurance concerning my salvation. I remember hearing the same altar call week after week and in my mind I always struggled with whether or not I should raise my hand again. I always thought to myself “What if it didn’t work the first time?” and doubt concerning my salvation filled my mind whenever I heard an invitation to dedicate my life to Christ.
Fortunately in God’s sovereignty I began to go to a different church starting in 7th grade. This church was a predominantly Chinese church, but they had just gotten a pastor for the English-speaking congregation. I remember that the pastor always used to tried to teach us more about theology by writing about a theological issue on the back of the bulletin that we would receive every Sunday morning. There was one week where our pastor wrote about the differences between the Calvinist and Arminian views on salvation. Something that stuck out to me from the bulletin involved how our pastor wrote about God’s faithfulness in saving His people. He described how Christ was faithful in keeping us once we decided to place our faith in Him and how He would never allow us to fall away from the faith. After reading this, I was amazed by what I had learned. At this point I realized why I never had assurance in my salvation. I realized that I was always placing my faith in things other than Christ in order to save me. I was placing my faith in the words that I said or in the prayers of other men in order to save me. In all of this, I had never actually placed my faith and trust in Jesus Christ Himself.
I believe that it was around this time in my life when I was truly saved. However, I remained immature in my faith until college. College was another turning point in my life. I had some trouble deciding what college I wanted to go to, but my brother gave me some advice that I would never forget. My brother reminded me that college wasn’t only a time where I would learn about my major, or about my future career, or hang out with friends, but he told me that college was a very unique time in my life where I could grow and mature spiritually. He told me about Grace Community Church and Grace on Campus at UCLA and he said that they would provide a solid place for me to grow and mature as a Christian.
Ever since coming to UCLA, I have grown in many aspects in my Christian walk. I have learned more about what it means to be conformed in Christ’s likeness and to live in a manner that is pleasing to God. Even though I have learned a lot, I know that I still have a long ways to go in my sanctification and I am seeking to continue to grow in all aspects to be more like Christ.