I also was having a difficult time figuring it out because in addition to attending churches of different denominations, I was also attending a Catholic school. They don’t sound too different at first, but it was pretty confusing. Outside of pondering the purpose of my existence, I also couldn’t figure out this Jesus on the cross thing. Why would God let His Son die?
Upon participating in a confirmation class, I thought I would get my answers there. We went to a church camp and visited other religious groups to gain an understanding of Christianity and other beliefs. Unfortunately, I don’t think I learned much and definitely didn’t hear a complete presentation of the Gospel. At the end of the confirmation class, in which I was to confirm my faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I had nothing to confirm. I was asked if I accepted Christ, and I had no answer.
I also saw a lot of hypocrisy and gossip in the church that I attended while in high school. Discouraged by the lack of change, I denounced going to church altogether. I left for college with the intent that I would teach myself about God by reading the Bible. Sundays became a day to sleep in and relax. As for my Bible, I have no idea what came of the book. Not only did I not find the answers I was looking for, I totally gave up searching for them. My main focus was: do well in college, so I can get a good job and make lots of money.
I endured a few trials while in college, including Hurricane Katrina, but none of them made me seek Him for help. God was zealous for my attention but I was too ignorant and self-absorbed to notice. I graduated college in 2008 and moved to Los Angeles for work. I soon realized that God was the one that made all of that possible as He wanted to put me in the path of Priscilla Huang. We began working together and over time I came to realize that I wasn’t a Christian like she was. Later, I came to the understanding that being a Christian wasn’t identifying one’s self with a certain religion, but living out that faith in our everyday lives. After seeing Christ through her redeemed life and learning about more about Him at Grace Community Church, I truly became a Believer.
I then came to realize that I was not a good person…I am a sinner and the just punishment I deserve for my sins is hell. Most importantly, having understood the full Gospel, I now knew why it was good news. That Christ walked this earth without sinning and died to pay off my sinful debt. When God looks at me on Judgment Day, instead of seeing the sinner that I am, He will see the righteousness of my Savior. What else could I do but repent and ask for forgiveness? I then found my purpose: to honor and glorify God. He is my Creator who I belittled and spat on. And yet He loves me enough to offer His grace. I pray that others will come to know Him and His gift of Salvation through my redeemed life.
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”