Hi! I am Deborah Wong, currently a second-year at UCLA. My trip to Japan this summer will be my first missions trip! I am definitely looking forward to this opportunity to see God’s work overseas, but looking back, I can also see that God has worked in me in many ways up until now.
I grew up in a loving religious family. My mom is Catholic, and my dad is Episcopalian, so I was baptized at my dad’s church when I was two months old, and I went to my mom’s church most of my life. Both my parents believed in salvation by works, but they both taught me about God and wanted me to become a good person. They sent me to a Christian school to ensure that I would grow up learning good morals. It was there that I first heard about salvation by faith, and some time in elementary school, I prayed to God for salvation. I believed that I was a sinner and that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, and I asked Him to forgive me and come into my life. However, I didn’t understand what it meant to surrender my life to God and live for His glory.
As I grew older, though, I did see the need to live by good moral standards, but all my actions were geared towards bringing recognition to myself instead of to God. I worked hard at everything, I did my best to love and understand people, I obeyed rules, all in hopes that people would come to like me. Even though I developed a reputation for being a conscientious person, I was still dissatisfied with my life, and I felt very out of place because my way of living seemed so different. I began to make decisions based other people’s standards, but this led me to feel even more insecure. I was relying on my own reasoning, my own strength, and then the opinions of others, to become a person acceptable to society. But then, I believed that what I was doing was glorifying to God and therefore a product of salvation. I graduated from high school with this mindset.
When I began attending UCLA in fall 2005, I also found my way to Grace On Campus and Grace Community Church. I really didn’t know what to expect, since I had never before belonged to a church or experienced the fellowship among believers, but immediately, I felt comfortable at Grace. I could really see that the people reached out to each other out of love, and they made the effort to get to know me. This was the first time I had ever seen this kind of interaction in a large group of people. I began going to GOC and Grace Church regularly, and I joined a small group.
It did not take me long to see that my peers exhibited a desire to actively serve God and that I did not have the same desire. I felt that there was something wrong with my spiritual walk. I really couldn’t understand how they could be so enthusiastic about reaching out and sharing the gospel with unbelievers. Hearing messages at GOC and talking to my small group made me realize that I wasn’t truly saved; I did not love God and therefore did not have the desire to serve Him. I idolized my relationships with people and sinned against God to further these relationships. In small group, I saw that I John 3:6 specifically pointed out that my salvation was fake: “No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.” Absorbed in this way of life, I was fully aware of my sin, yet too stubborn to make the commitment to turn away from it. I wanted to have the desire to obey God, and I tried to change, but relying on my own will and strength, I quickly fell again and again. Finally, God allowed me to experience trials in these relationships, and as I saw how unreliable these people were, my need for God became most apparent to me. I realized that I had been putting all my time and effort into relationships with human beings that were equally sinful and incapable of making my life better. I needed to develop a relationship with Someone who was not only able to comfort, but also free me from the burden of sin and give direction in my life. I struggled to let go of my way of thinking, but I finally surrendered my life over to God some time during winter quarter. This time, not only did I believe that Jesus took the punishment for my sin in His death and resurrection on the cross, I also came to believe that it was only through His grace and forgiveness that I could become righteous, not by my own power. Seeing that God loved me so much in spite of the depth of my sin, I came to love Him for His saving power and developed a desire to turn away from my sinful ways and serve Him.
Now I can truly say that there’s something I live for. Looking back, I can see that even though my life was free of challenges and hardships, there was no meaning to it. I was incomplete without God’s power to change me and lead me in the higher purpose of serving Him. I still struggle and sometimes turn back to my selfish motives, but I have come to see these slips as reminders of my weaknesses and need for God. A verse that really helps me now is Galatians 1:10, which reads, “For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.” I have also experienced a greater sense of peace knowing that He ultimately has control over every aspect of my life. Even though I don’t know exactly what will happen to me in the future, I find joy in worshipping the One who does know.
I grew up in a loving religious family. My mom is Catholic, and my dad is Episcopalian, so I was baptized at my dad’s church when I was two months old, and I went to my mom’s church most of my life. Both my parents believed in salvation by works, but they both taught me about God and wanted me to become a good person. They sent me to a Christian school to ensure that I would grow up learning good morals. It was there that I first heard about salvation by faith, and some time in elementary school, I prayed to God for salvation. I believed that I was a sinner and that Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, and I asked Him to forgive me and come into my life. However, I didn’t understand what it meant to surrender my life to God and live for His glory.
As I grew older, though, I did see the need to live by good moral standards, but all my actions were geared towards bringing recognition to myself instead of to God. I worked hard at everything, I did my best to love and understand people, I obeyed rules, all in hopes that people would come to like me. Even though I developed a reputation for being a conscientious person, I was still dissatisfied with my life, and I felt very out of place because my way of living seemed so different. I began to make decisions based other people’s standards, but this led me to feel even more insecure. I was relying on my own reasoning, my own strength, and then the opinions of others, to become a person acceptable to society. But then, I believed that what I was doing was glorifying to God and therefore a product of salvation. I graduated from high school with this mindset.
When I began attending UCLA in fall 2005, I also found my way to Grace On Campus and Grace Community Church. I really didn’t know what to expect, since I had never before belonged to a church or experienced the fellowship among believers, but immediately, I felt comfortable at Grace. I could really see that the people reached out to each other out of love, and they made the effort to get to know me. This was the first time I had ever seen this kind of interaction in a large group of people. I began going to GOC and Grace Church regularly, and I joined a small group.
It did not take me long to see that my peers exhibited a desire to actively serve God and that I did not have the same desire. I felt that there was something wrong with my spiritual walk. I really couldn’t understand how they could be so enthusiastic about reaching out and sharing the gospel with unbelievers. Hearing messages at GOC and talking to my small group made me realize that I wasn’t truly saved; I did not love God and therefore did not have the desire to serve Him. I idolized my relationships with people and sinned against God to further these relationships. In small group, I saw that I John 3:6 specifically pointed out that my salvation was fake: “No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.” Absorbed in this way of life, I was fully aware of my sin, yet too stubborn to make the commitment to turn away from it. I wanted to have the desire to obey God, and I tried to change, but relying on my own will and strength, I quickly fell again and again. Finally, God allowed me to experience trials in these relationships, and as I saw how unreliable these people were, my need for God became most apparent to me. I realized that I had been putting all my time and effort into relationships with human beings that were equally sinful and incapable of making my life better. I needed to develop a relationship with Someone who was not only able to comfort, but also free me from the burden of sin and give direction in my life. I struggled to let go of my way of thinking, but I finally surrendered my life over to God some time during winter quarter. This time, not only did I believe that Jesus took the punishment for my sin in His death and resurrection on the cross, I also came to believe that it was only through His grace and forgiveness that I could become righteous, not by my own power. Seeing that God loved me so much in spite of the depth of my sin, I came to love Him for His saving power and developed a desire to turn away from my sinful ways and serve Him.
Now I can truly say that there’s something I live for. Looking back, I can see that even though my life was free of challenges and hardships, there was no meaning to it. I was incomplete without God’s power to change me and lead me in the higher purpose of serving Him. I still struggle and sometimes turn back to my selfish motives, but I have come to see these slips as reminders of my weaknesses and need for God. A verse that really helps me now is Galatians 1:10, which reads, “For am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God? Or am I striving to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a bond-servant of Christ.” I have also experienced a greater sense of peace knowing that He ultimately has control over every aspect of my life. Even though I don’t know exactly what will happen to me in the future, I find joy in worshipping the One who does know.