When I was a little girl, I went to church with my family, I believed in Jesus, I learned the Bible stories, and I memorized the verses. But for the first 16 years of my life, I lived solely for myself. Throughout high school, my identity and my joy were founded in my outward appearance, my grades, my social life. I had complete faith in my own ability to achieve what I wanted, to be a good person, and to lead a fulfilling life. Sure, I prayed to God occasionally, but only when I was desperately in need of something for myself. The fact was, I saw absolutely no need for Jesus Christ in my life.
In the summer of 2011, I had just finished my junior year of high school. Superficially, I had everything that I ever wanted—the grades, the boyfriend, the social life. But in my heart, I was living in overwhelming fear. I lied to my parents, ignored my friends, and disregarded my purity. My conscience was raging inside me, and I was often completely paralyzed by fear, overwhelming fear of the consequences of my sin. I was helpless in my fear and my worry. No amount of logic could pull me out, and I was unable to change my sinful lifestyle.
But God is perfectly loving, wise, sovereign, and works all things after the counsel of his will. By God’s grace, this truth I now know, but I had no idea back in 2011. That summer, my mom suggested that I go to China to teach English, because I’ve always wanted to do so. An STM team from the church back home happened to be going to China to teach English. Looking back, I don’t remember how I agreed to go. I only remember dreading the trip. Even as a team member of that STM trip, I had no feelings toward Jesus Christ, though I identified outwardly as a Christian. When we arrived in China, I was miserable. Things got better when I met my class of students, because I really enjoyed teaching and spending time with them. But my mind was still trapped in fear of the consequences of my lifestyle. And then one night, the good news of Christ took root in my heart. God, in his goodness, had made this clear to me: that I was a desperate, helpless sinner. But I, who was living in paralyzing fear and sin, did not have to anymore. God, in his great love and grace, sent his perfect son Jesus Christ to pay my ransom, to take my sin upon himself and die on the cross, that I might live, that I might find life and joy for eternity in Christ Jesus.
Because of the great love with which God loves me, I am saved. God alone is worthy of all my praise. I was a wretched sinner; I was bound for hell, and stuck living a life of fear and worry. There was and is nothing I could ever do to save myself. But Jesus Christ bore my sins in his body on the cross, that I might die to sin and live to righteousness (1 Peter 2:24). God saved me and drew me to him, that I might love and praise him with my whole life, and live in obedience to Christ. This is the best thing that has ever happened to me—this is the best thing that can ever happen to anyone: to be reconciled and brought near to God through the precious blood of Christ.
In the summer of 2011, I had just finished my junior year of high school. Superficially, I had everything that I ever wanted—the grades, the boyfriend, the social life. But in my heart, I was living in overwhelming fear. I lied to my parents, ignored my friends, and disregarded my purity. My conscience was raging inside me, and I was often completely paralyzed by fear, overwhelming fear of the consequences of my sin. I was helpless in my fear and my worry. No amount of logic could pull me out, and I was unable to change my sinful lifestyle.
But God is perfectly loving, wise, sovereign, and works all things after the counsel of his will. By God’s grace, this truth I now know, but I had no idea back in 2011. That summer, my mom suggested that I go to China to teach English, because I’ve always wanted to do so. An STM team from the church back home happened to be going to China to teach English. Looking back, I don’t remember how I agreed to go. I only remember dreading the trip. Even as a team member of that STM trip, I had no feelings toward Jesus Christ, though I identified outwardly as a Christian. When we arrived in China, I was miserable. Things got better when I met my class of students, because I really enjoyed teaching and spending time with them. But my mind was still trapped in fear of the consequences of my lifestyle. And then one night, the good news of Christ took root in my heart. God, in his goodness, had made this clear to me: that I was a desperate, helpless sinner. But I, who was living in paralyzing fear and sin, did not have to anymore. God, in his great love and grace, sent his perfect son Jesus Christ to pay my ransom, to take my sin upon himself and die on the cross, that I might live, that I might find life and joy for eternity in Christ Jesus.
Because of the great love with which God loves me, I am saved. God alone is worthy of all my praise. I was a wretched sinner; I was bound for hell, and stuck living a life of fear and worry. There was and is nothing I could ever do to save myself. But Jesus Christ bore my sins in his body on the cross, that I might die to sin and live to righteousness (1 Peter 2:24). God saved me and drew me to him, that I might love and praise him with my whole life, and live in obedience to Christ. This is the best thing that has ever happened to me—this is the best thing that can ever happen to anyone: to be reconciled and brought near to God through the precious blood of Christ.