Taking time to reflect on my testimony of how God has saved me has provided a unique time for precious doxology. It is an absolute miracle that God made me his child and kept me in His power after 20 years of rebellion, self-righteousness, and hypocrisy. The sheer grace of God is what gives me a voice to say, “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen” (Jude 24-25). Glory and honor be to God, for He is mighty to save!
I do not believe I can feel the weight of joy nor express the gratitude I have for my family. From the beginning, my parents and my grandparents have been intimately connected with my life and sought to raise me in the discipline of the Lord. I loved going to church with my family and learning about Jesus for as long as I can remember. Starting at six years old, my dad took me to a Bible study called Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), where they were going through the book of Exodus. It should be noted here that the Lord was definitely working on my heart and providentially brought me to BSF at this time. The Spirit gave me the gift of a sensitive conscience from an early age, and I really hated getting in trouble. Breaking the rules of my parents and their subsequent displeasure was extremely painful for me to bear. Their expression of displeasure coupled with their explanation of God’s displeasure with my sin was even more awful. Despite my best efforts to honor my parents and love God, I felt as though I were falling short. I had no idea what to do with the guilt I felt and the increasing pile of sin against God I was cultivating in my life. Thus, the book of Exodus was quite a comfort to me, and even though I often felt self-righteously better than the Israelites, I could definitely relate to their cycle of sin and grumbling. One week, the leader of our group asked if anybody wanted to know more about Jesus and the forgiveness of sin he bought at the cross. I loved Jesus and I definitely wanted to know the forgiveness of my sins, so this was a no-brainer. After going home and talking with my parents about the Gospel of the cross of Christ bearing my punishment for sin, I knelt down with them at my brother’s bedside, recognized my sin and need for a Savior, namely Jesus, and for the forgiveness of my sin at the cross. “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and obey my rules” (Ezekiel 36:26-27). “And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified” (Romans 8:30).
My memory of confessing my faith is pretty vague, but I do distinctly remember being happy that I had Jesus, and I wish I would have been more diligent to keep this in mind and to preach the Gospel to myself more throughout my life. I continued to attend BSF, but my growth in knowledge was proportional to my growth in pride and self-righteousness. After my family moved to the church they attend currently, I was receiving more and more Gospel-driven preaching and teaching than I can even imagine given my lack of desire to be compelled to love and live for the glory of God as revealed in His Word. Even until high school, I was meandering in my walk with God and seeking academic and athletic success as chief priority. I had convinced myself that I was doing it all to the glory of my Father who had forgiven and justified me, and while that desire was definitively there, it was very weak. Nobody, most notably myself, was pushing me to seek and savor the supremacy of Christ in my life and to cherish the Word. As a result, I floundered into sin in senior year and became disgustingly prideful that I had my life under control. I became more interested in learning about apologetic arguments for my own pride in defending the Gospel by my own logic than actually caring about what the Gospel was or even sharing it with my friends. “Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the Lord, for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:12-13).
This behavior continued into my freshman year of college, until two watershed moments in my life. One was my parents’ confrontation over direct disobedience and dishonor to them, which was such a terrible reminder of the past that I believed I had matured out of. The other was my small group leader at Grace on Campus, Seichi Kamimura, exposing me to the depth of the riches of a precious verse to me, Matthew 5:3, and the display of spiritual poverty before a holy God in Isaiah 6. God’s grace to the humble and lowly in heart was desperately needed for a soul languishing in the lonely feelings of being a failure. My freshman year was filled with grace upon grace, and I feel such gratitude for how God has providentially placed me at UCLA and shepherded my heart over the past two years through the Word and His people. I am extremely excited to go on my first STM trip and share the renewed joy I have in the Gospel and the joy of treasuring God for all eternity through Christ! “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).
I do not believe I can feel the weight of joy nor express the gratitude I have for my family. From the beginning, my parents and my grandparents have been intimately connected with my life and sought to raise me in the discipline of the Lord. I loved going to church with my family and learning about Jesus for as long as I can remember. Starting at six years old, my dad took me to a Bible study called Bible Study Fellowship (BSF), where they were going through the book of Exodus. It should be noted here that the Lord was definitely working on my heart and providentially brought me to BSF at this time. The Spirit gave me the gift of a sensitive conscience from an early age, and I really hated getting in trouble. Breaking the rules of my parents and their subsequent displeasure was extremely painful for me to bear. Their expression of displeasure coupled with their explanation of God’s displeasure with my sin was even more awful. Despite my best efforts to honor my parents and love God, I felt as though I were falling short. I had no idea what to do with the guilt I felt and the increasing pile of sin against God I was cultivating in my life. Thus, the book of Exodus was quite a comfort to me, and even though I often felt self-righteously better than the Israelites, I could definitely relate to their cycle of sin and grumbling. One week, the leader of our group asked if anybody wanted to know more about Jesus and the forgiveness of sin he bought at the cross. I loved Jesus and I definitely wanted to know the forgiveness of my sins, so this was a no-brainer. After going home and talking with my parents about the Gospel of the cross of Christ bearing my punishment for sin, I knelt down with them at my brother’s bedside, recognized my sin and need for a Savior, namely Jesus, and for the forgiveness of my sin at the cross. “And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and obey my rules” (Ezekiel 36:26-27). “And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified” (Romans 8:30).
My memory of confessing my faith is pretty vague, but I do distinctly remember being happy that I had Jesus, and I wish I would have been more diligent to keep this in mind and to preach the Gospel to myself more throughout my life. I continued to attend BSF, but my growth in knowledge was proportional to my growth in pride and self-righteousness. After my family moved to the church they attend currently, I was receiving more and more Gospel-driven preaching and teaching than I can even imagine given my lack of desire to be compelled to love and live for the glory of God as revealed in His Word. Even until high school, I was meandering in my walk with God and seeking academic and athletic success as chief priority. I had convinced myself that I was doing it all to the glory of my Father who had forgiven and justified me, and while that desire was definitively there, it was very weak. Nobody, most notably myself, was pushing me to seek and savor the supremacy of Christ in my life and to cherish the Word. As a result, I floundered into sin in senior year and became disgustingly prideful that I had my life under control. I became more interested in learning about apologetic arguments for my own pride in defending the Gospel by my own logic than actually caring about what the Gospel was or even sharing it with my friends. “Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the Lord, for my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water” (Jeremiah 2:12-13).
This behavior continued into my freshman year of college, until two watershed moments in my life. One was my parents’ confrontation over direct disobedience and dishonor to them, which was such a terrible reminder of the past that I believed I had matured out of. The other was my small group leader at Grace on Campus, Seichi Kamimura, exposing me to the depth of the riches of a precious verse to me, Matthew 5:3, and the display of spiritual poverty before a holy God in Isaiah 6. God’s grace to the humble and lowly in heart was desperately needed for a soul languishing in the lonely feelings of being a failure. My freshman year was filled with grace upon grace, and I feel such gratitude for how God has providentially placed me at UCLA and shepherded my heart over the past two years through the Word and His people. I am extremely excited to go on my first STM trip and share the renewed joy I have in the Gospel and the joy of treasuring God for all eternity through Christ! “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).