Growing up in a non-Christian home, I never had any exposure to religion, but somehow I grew up believing in “God”. I grew up with the notion that as a pretty good child, God loved me and I had never done anything “bad” enough to not get into heaven and I felt my future to be secure enough.
My first exposure to the truth of the gospel came in 6th grade when my older cousin Jennifer invited me to a summer bible camp she was counseling at through CBM. I realized within the first couple of days of camp that were many things that I did not know about God. The first time I heard the good news of the gospel was during one of the workshops. The first verse that I learned from Scripture was Romans 6:23 (“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”). I learned that because of my sin it separated me from God, resulted in my punishment in eternal death in hell. I learned that the only way to bridge this infinite chasm was through the death and resurrection of Christ, that because He died to pay for the punishment that I justly incurred from my sins I could be given the free and undeserved gift of salvation. That one verse stayed on my mind the rest of that week.
During a time of worship at the campfire on the last night of camp, while everyone else was singing, I contemplated everything that I had learned from the Bible that week. I had come to believe that the Bible was God’s word and was true. To acknowledge that the Bible was true meant coming to the stark realization that I was a sinner condemned to hell. My heart broke to know that even though I believed in God, I had no true relationship with Him. Despite a life lived morally, any good deed fell short of God’s glory and perfect standard. My very flesh rebelled against my Creator. To know that because God loved a sinner like me, His own beloved Son died on the cross to take the punishment of the death and suffering that I deserved, was mind blowing. What’s more, through Christ I was offered the free gift of salvation, beyond any works or merit, but by grace and through faith and repentance. For the first time in my life, I felt the desperation of my sin, a loathing of my own soul. Though I did not know how to pray, with my head hung low and my heart broken, my soul cried out to God for the faith to believe, knowing full well that I could do nothing for myself except ask for the forgiveness of my sins and that God would take my life into His hands. Through that week at camp God had worked in my heart to give me the understanding I needed to place my faith in the good news of the gospel, and my sinful soul was now made alive to God.
Being in a non-Christian family, for a time after CBM camp I didn’t know what my life was supposed to be like now that it belonged to God. A little later on my cousin Jennifer invited me to come to church with her. Soon enough I became part of the church family there at San Francisco Bible Church; however, even though I was eager to learn, during the first couple years of my walk with God I lacked the understanding that the grace of God, and not my own effort, is what leads to a changed life. I had an elementary understanding of what faith lived out looked like.
It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that God revealed to me my hold on the world and my superficial understanding of a life committed to Christ. As an upperclassmen, I was full of pride for being known as the girl who did it all. There is no need to list all the things I did in high school, but certainly the pride was always there, and in my heart I treasured up the accolades. But God, being a Father who knows what’s best for me, graciously removed these stumbling blocks from my life. My junior year of high school, I was cut from the final round of tryouts for the varsity basketball team. Basketball had always consumed my life and I was devastated. I believed without a doubt that God’s will was supreme over everything and worked for my good, but I had no peace of mind because in my heart I kept questioning why these events occurred.
After spending a few nights in seeming despair, it hit me how ridiculously stupid I was being. I was acting as if the world was over because I no longer got to throw a ball into a hoop. Looking at all the other things I was involved with, I saw that I let the things of this world become a greater priority to me than my Lord. Such a simple answer, but I would have never seen it were it not for God’s grace. I now understood that for all these years I was compartmentalizing my life, that being a Christian was just another segment of my life. I let the things that I achieved define who I was instead of living my life in the image of Christ. And the life of godliness I tried to live was dependent only on my own power and ability to do so instead of trusting in the Holy Spirit to grow me. I prayed harder than ever before to trust in the grace of God to help me surrender my hold on the fading glory of this world.
I’d like to say that the story ends there, but God works all the small pieces of my life together. At the same time as all this was going on, it had taken a lot of humbling to go back to my coach to ask him if I could help out with the basketball program. God had plans for me here. I became a kind of assistant to the coach and helped run practices at first, and soon began practicing along with the team. A few weeks went by, and my coach rethought his decision and offered me a spot onto the team after all. It seemed too good to be true, but a large fear I held was that returning to basketball would cause me to be distracted from my walk with God all over again. Was I strong enough to handle it? I was reminded that it is in the grace of God that I depend on for strength to live for Him. But could I both worship God with my life and play basketball? What would that even look like? I was sorely tempted to say no, as much as my worldly desires longed to say yes. Praying about it, I began to think that if my whole life was to be lived for the glory of God, could I learn to use my participation on the team for His glory? I began to think about the possibility of being used as a testimony to my team to reflect Christ in the way I played competitive basketball.
After praying for the grace to do so, I accepted the offer with much trepidation, yet grateful that it seemed that God trusted me enough to offer me this second chance. The next two years of basketball were tougher than any other I have had, full of times of discouragement and disrespect from my team. Yet God helped me to persevere, and the biggest lesson I learned from my team was how to love those that are tough to love. It gave me a direct application of what it felt like strive for holiness in whatever context or circumstance of life I was in. Since attending college at UCLA, God has continued to teach me what it means to know, love, and worship Him in the study of His Word as it actively works in my life. God continually pushes me to greater heights of knowledge of Him, and continually brings me back daily to the sweetness of the gospel and His grace in my life. My life now is His for His glory until the day I come before His presence in sweet eternity
My first exposure to the truth of the gospel came in 6th grade when my older cousin Jennifer invited me to a summer bible camp she was counseling at through CBM. I realized within the first couple of days of camp that were many things that I did not know about God. The first time I heard the good news of the gospel was during one of the workshops. The first verse that I learned from Scripture was Romans 6:23 (“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”). I learned that because of my sin it separated me from God, resulted in my punishment in eternal death in hell. I learned that the only way to bridge this infinite chasm was through the death and resurrection of Christ, that because He died to pay for the punishment that I justly incurred from my sins I could be given the free and undeserved gift of salvation. That one verse stayed on my mind the rest of that week.
During a time of worship at the campfire on the last night of camp, while everyone else was singing, I contemplated everything that I had learned from the Bible that week. I had come to believe that the Bible was God’s word and was true. To acknowledge that the Bible was true meant coming to the stark realization that I was a sinner condemned to hell. My heart broke to know that even though I believed in God, I had no true relationship with Him. Despite a life lived morally, any good deed fell short of God’s glory and perfect standard. My very flesh rebelled against my Creator. To know that because God loved a sinner like me, His own beloved Son died on the cross to take the punishment of the death and suffering that I deserved, was mind blowing. What’s more, through Christ I was offered the free gift of salvation, beyond any works or merit, but by grace and through faith and repentance. For the first time in my life, I felt the desperation of my sin, a loathing of my own soul. Though I did not know how to pray, with my head hung low and my heart broken, my soul cried out to God for the faith to believe, knowing full well that I could do nothing for myself except ask for the forgiveness of my sins and that God would take my life into His hands. Through that week at camp God had worked in my heart to give me the understanding I needed to place my faith in the good news of the gospel, and my sinful soul was now made alive to God.
Being in a non-Christian family, for a time after CBM camp I didn’t know what my life was supposed to be like now that it belonged to God. A little later on my cousin Jennifer invited me to come to church with her. Soon enough I became part of the church family there at San Francisco Bible Church; however, even though I was eager to learn, during the first couple years of my walk with God I lacked the understanding that the grace of God, and not my own effort, is what leads to a changed life. I had an elementary understanding of what faith lived out looked like.
It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that God revealed to me my hold on the world and my superficial understanding of a life committed to Christ. As an upperclassmen, I was full of pride for being known as the girl who did it all. There is no need to list all the things I did in high school, but certainly the pride was always there, and in my heart I treasured up the accolades. But God, being a Father who knows what’s best for me, graciously removed these stumbling blocks from my life. My junior year of high school, I was cut from the final round of tryouts for the varsity basketball team. Basketball had always consumed my life and I was devastated. I believed without a doubt that God’s will was supreme over everything and worked for my good, but I had no peace of mind because in my heart I kept questioning why these events occurred.
After spending a few nights in seeming despair, it hit me how ridiculously stupid I was being. I was acting as if the world was over because I no longer got to throw a ball into a hoop. Looking at all the other things I was involved with, I saw that I let the things of this world become a greater priority to me than my Lord. Such a simple answer, but I would have never seen it were it not for God’s grace. I now understood that for all these years I was compartmentalizing my life, that being a Christian was just another segment of my life. I let the things that I achieved define who I was instead of living my life in the image of Christ. And the life of godliness I tried to live was dependent only on my own power and ability to do so instead of trusting in the Holy Spirit to grow me. I prayed harder than ever before to trust in the grace of God to help me surrender my hold on the fading glory of this world.
I’d like to say that the story ends there, but God works all the small pieces of my life together. At the same time as all this was going on, it had taken a lot of humbling to go back to my coach to ask him if I could help out with the basketball program. God had plans for me here. I became a kind of assistant to the coach and helped run practices at first, and soon began practicing along with the team. A few weeks went by, and my coach rethought his decision and offered me a spot onto the team after all. It seemed too good to be true, but a large fear I held was that returning to basketball would cause me to be distracted from my walk with God all over again. Was I strong enough to handle it? I was reminded that it is in the grace of God that I depend on for strength to live for Him. But could I both worship God with my life and play basketball? What would that even look like? I was sorely tempted to say no, as much as my worldly desires longed to say yes. Praying about it, I began to think that if my whole life was to be lived for the glory of God, could I learn to use my participation on the team for His glory? I began to think about the possibility of being used as a testimony to my team to reflect Christ in the way I played competitive basketball.
After praying for the grace to do so, I accepted the offer with much trepidation, yet grateful that it seemed that God trusted me enough to offer me this second chance. The next two years of basketball were tougher than any other I have had, full of times of discouragement and disrespect from my team. Yet God helped me to persevere, and the biggest lesson I learned from my team was how to love those that are tough to love. It gave me a direct application of what it felt like strive for holiness in whatever context or circumstance of life I was in. Since attending college at UCLA, God has continued to teach me what it means to know, love, and worship Him in the study of His Word as it actively works in my life. God continually pushes me to greater heights of knowledge of Him, and continually brings me back daily to the sweetness of the gospel and His grace in my life. My life now is His for His glory until the day I come before His presence in sweet eternity